Geron Ephraim the Arizonite
The older I grow, the more I perceive the instability, the vanity of earthly things. Oh, why do we trouble ourselves in vain? Our life is short—dust, ashes, a dream—and in a little while, we shall taste corruption. Today you have your health, and tomorrow you lose it; today you are laughing, and tomorrow you are sullen. Now your eyes are shedding tears from an abundance of joy, and soon they will be shedding tears from pain and grief; today the economy is stable, and tomorrow misfortune strikes; today you receive good news, and in a little while bad news replaces it. In vain we trouble ourselves; life is a shadow and a dream. Where are our parents, our siblings, our grandparents? The tomb has received them all; they have all decayed and have been eaten by worms. The tomb and decay awaits us also! Ah, ah, death—bitter is your remembrance. Our Christ has given us the power to become sons of God (cf. Jn. 1:12 ) by arming us with so many divine weapons to fight our relentless enemy. But we –and I, above all—become prisoners of our enemy by neglecting the weapons Christ gave us, and as we approach death we tremble in agony and try by every means to prolong our life, because the soul is afraid to leave the body. Why is it afraid? Why does it not take courage as a child of God? Is it going perhaps to a foreign king? But the king is its Maker, its Savior, Who shed His blood in order to redeem our soul from its enemy. Why then does it fear and lack courage? Death is inherently cold—“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death” (Mt. 26:38 ), said our Jesus. Yes, death is cold by nature. But unfortunately, most of the fear comes from the conscience: the conscience does not assure the soul that it has lived properly; it has not put itself in order; it has not washed its wedding garment, and so it is ashamed to present itself to the King, thinking about what the verdict will be: yes or no? Will I be saved or not? If, however, the soul leaves without having confessed and without having repented completely, then woe—this is the evil day which the prophet Jeremiah hints at (vid. Jer. 17:17 ). Let us pray that our holy God will deliver us from this by giving us complete repentance, worthy works of repentance, works of mercy and love, and a spirit of repentance with true humility, so that the just Judge may be merciful towards us, so that when the fearful hour of death comes, the soul will take courage in the mercy of God and say, “I trust in God, that He will have mercy on my lowliness”. Amen; so be it.
2. The years roll by and pass, and day by day each one of us draws closer and closer to the end of this life. Our precious time rolls by and disappears before our eyes, without our realizing, of course, what is escaping us unnoticed. For if the little child knew the worth of gold, he would not prefer to have a cheap candy instead. Doesn’t this also hold true for people, and above all for me? When our Lord comes at the appointed time to judge the world; when the heavens are rolled up like a piece of paper, and the earth, which has been thoroughly defiled by those dwelling upon it, is renewed; when the sun, the moon, and the stars fall like autumn leaves; when the trumpet resounds throughout the entire world, and the scattered dry bones are reconstructed and flesh and life come upon them (vid. EZ. 37:1-14 ); when the ranks of the angels will gather in the vastness of heaven in honor of the fearful Judge Who is to come; when small clouds rise up from the infinite multitude of resurrected people and lift upon themselves the holy and saved people to meet the Lord in the air—then those who have remained below and see all these things will weep most bitterly and beat their breasts in despair, reflecting that they wasted their precious time here in pleasures, in drunkenness, in acquiring wealth, in illicit deeds, in avarice, and in every sin, which now condemn them to this most pitiful and lamentable condition of theirs. Will they not pathetically seek to have a little time to run to the poor, to the sick, and to every destitute person, so that they also might hear the sweet voice of the Lord saying to them, “Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you… for I was hungry and you gave Me food… I was naked and you clothed Me, etc.”? (Mt. 25:34-36 ). At some time in their lives they heard these things. However, in Hades there is no repentance. For this reason, the utmost despair will seize them. They will seek death; they will have a burning desire for it to deliver them from their boundless sufferings, but unfortunately they will not find it, for everything will have already been transformed into immortality! (All this holds true for me….).
3. Man comes into the light of this world crying, he passes his life in weeping and sorrows, and he leaves the world in tears and pain. O vanity of vanities! The dream vanishes, and man awakens into the reality of the true life. No one notices how this vain life flows by—the years pass, the months roll by, the hours disappear, the moments slip by imperceptibly, and then without any warning, the telegram comes: “Put your house in order, for you will die; you will live no longer!” (Is. 38:1 ). Then the deception is uncovered, and a person dying realizes what an important role the world played for him. He feels regret and distress; he yearns for the time that is gone; he would give all his wealth to buy one day in order to repent and receive communion. Unfortunately, though, not one favor is given to him. Previously, time was at his disposal for years; he, however, wasted it in business, in bars, in cinemas, and in every shameful desire. Wise is the merchant who realized the deceit of this temporal life, became wise, and sent his merchandise to heaven before the fair of life ended, in order to find it there in the treasuries of the heavenly city of God with accrued interest and dividends. Blessed is that wise man, for he will live the painless and blessed life unto the ages of ages, while the unwise, the drunkards, the greedy, the lovers of money, the lewd, the murderers, and the rest of my fellow-sinners—of whom I am the first—will be thrown into the furnace of unquenchable fire! Now that the sun is shining and the day casts its sweet light upon us, let us walk quickly along the road of our correction, before the night of the future afterlife overtakes us, at which time we shall no longer be able to walk. “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation” (2 Cor. 6:2 ), cries the Apostle Paul in his immortal words.
4. Oh, how much the memory of death should flourish in the soul of the Christian! Since he believes in the real truth, it is impossible for him to ignore death. After my Elder’s heart condition had passed, he wept and recited a line from the funeral service: “Alas, what a struggle the soul has as it parts from the body!” Indeed, this is the truth! How beautifully the psalmist expresses what peace a prepared soul has: “I prepared myself and was not troubled” (Ps. 118:60 ). At any moment, every soul can expect the telegram from heaven to break off all relations with earthly things, to seal the time of this “fair”, to render an exact account of his spiritual trading, and to seal his eternal fate either in the heights of heaven or the depths of hell. Ah, when I reflect upon this, what can I say! May the all-compassionate God be merciful to my wretched soul, which has nothing but its indifference and unreadiness. My mind stops when it contemplates this absolute truth about salvation. “Eternity” –oh, what a great mystery! The world, the flesh, and the devil lead us astray and throw us into forgetfulness—and suddenly a voice is heard: “Behold, the Bridegroom comes!” When we are breathing our last, what preparation can we make then, when our conscience has already been cauterized and can no longer feel anything or cry out to us? Then the voice of truth is heard: “Only when the sun was setting did you remember God; what were you doing all day long when the sun was shining?” “Watch and be ready” (cf. Mt. 24:43,44 ), cries our Jesus! Blessed are those who have ears to hear, who hear and get ready, for they will be counted worthy of eternal happiness. Blessed are those servants whom the Lord will find ready when He comes, for they will rejoice eternally. Let us patiently endure the sorrows of life, that we may attain the eternal things full of joy. “In vain does every mortal trouble himself; as soon as we conquer the world, we dwell, in the tomb” (from the funeral service ). As long as there is light, let us walk towards our great destination, for the hour is coming when there will be darkness, and then we shall no longer be able to work for our soul.
5. Raise your mind to the dread judgment seat of Christ—what defence shall we give on the day of judgment when our deeds are judged? How frightening is the hour in which the soul waits full of fear to hear the decision regarding where it will go to dwell eternally! The word “eternity” is frightful! To understand in part what eternity means, I shall give you an example. Imagine that the whole earth is one big piece of granite, and every thousand years a bird comes to sharpen its beak on this rock. When the entire rock is worn away by the bird sharpening its beak, then we shall have some faint notion of what eternity means—not that we have actually understood eternity, immortality, or life without end! So this life of ours here on earth determines our eternity, like flipping a coin: paradise or hell! Therefore, how much caution must we have!
6. You were patient for so many years, and they passed like a dream. But even if we lived a thousand years, they would still pass like a dream. Oh, how vain is everything that belongs to this world here! Every life is followed by death. Death is man’s transfer from this world to the other—the one that is immortal and eternal. It is not important if someone loses this life here. One way or another, we shall all die someday anyway. The important thing is not to lose our immortal life, the life without end. Endless life in hell—oh, what a fearful thing! My God, save us all.
7. When God brings the new day, let us think that it is our last day and that when the sun sets we shall depart to the judgment seat of Christ. How should we spend our last day? In silence, prayer, obedience, tears, and repentance, begging God to be mercifull! Likewise at night, we should think that it is our last night, and our bed will be our tomb! Each one of us should think, “Ah, how will I pass through the toll-houses? I wonder, will I pass through them? Who knows which one will stop me? How will I look at the fearful face of the just Judge? How will I hear His frightful voice of reproof? What terror will seize me until I hear the eternal decision regarding where I shall be placed! And what if I am sent to hell—and justly so! Woe to my wretched soul! How will I be patient as I am punished with the demons in the darkness, in the filth, with no light, with no consolation at all—only the sight of demons and nothing else!” We should ponder these and many other things every day and night, living them as if they were our last! For we do not know when the telegram will come from God’s headquarters, from the capital, the Jerusalem above.
8. Be careful, my child; do not let time pass fruitlessly and without improvement in your soul, for death comes like a thief. Woe to us if it finds us in a state of sloth and laziness—then the mountains and hills will need to weep for us; then we shall be found empty of good works, and Hades will shepherd us eternally! My child, why should we suffer such a lamentable shipwreck when we are able, with God’s help, to avoid it and be rescued at the saving harbor of the kingdom of God! I know that we have to wrestle with formidable enemies and that the labor is great. But with God—that is, with the power of God—everything gives way when man’s will and strength cooperate with it.
9. When you are sitting in your cell, keep your mind meditating on death. Don’t let your mind wander here and there, but collect your thoughts and reflect: see the mortality of your body; see how the body chills, changes, and the soul departs from it. What a struggle the soul has as it departs from the body! How much it weeps then; how much it sighs; how great is the regret! “It turns its eyes to the angels, but its entreaties are to no avail. It stretches out its hands to men but finds no helper” (from the funeral service ). Meditate on the soul’s ascent after it departs. When it ascends and encounters the hordes of evil demons, it trembles as they reveal sins it had committed but had completely forgotten, and wonders what will happen. It ascends from one toll-house to the next, and at every toll-house it only gives a defense, until it passes them all. If it passes all of them and is not found guilty at any of the toll-houses, it then ascends to venerate Christ, according to the Fathers. If, however, it is found guilty and accountable for any passion, it is thrown into Hades! There was one soul that had passed all except one, the last one, which is the toll-house of mercilessness. “Alas, alas!” said a certain saint who was having a vision of that soul. “He passed them all, and only at the last one was he shaken, and the demons flung him into Hades with a crash!” There was another saved soul being carried up by the angels of God into heaven. Other angels, who had just taken another soul to heaven descended and embraced that soul, and he sensed an ineffable fragrance from the embrace of those angels who had approached the throne of God. And the angels said, “Glory to God, Who helped this soul to be saved!” We should never lack this contemplation of death or other such meditations. All these contemplations create watchfulness in the soul and purify and cleanse the mind so that it may feel the contemplation better. This contemplation is a barrier for evil thoughts. When this spiritual contemplation is within us, we shut out evil thoughts; there is no room in us for them because that contemplation has occupied the space of the mind. When we do not have godly contemplations, then indeed we are overcome by passionate contemplations. If the soul does pass the aerial toll-houses, it should think, “Now all that is left is to venerate God. I wonder, how will I get there? In what way will I see Him? I wonder what He will say to me? Will He perhaps open a new book? Perhaps the demons with their incomplete knowledge did not have everything written or did not know everything I have done, and now I have to complete my defense before Christ! I wonder, what will Christ’s decision be for my eternity? I wonder, will it be for eternal life or eternal damnation?”
If at this very moment we found ourselves before Christ, what fear and trembling we would have! If we could only understand, as much as possible through contemplation, what situation we shall find ourselves in then! “Alas, alas!” say the Fathers. “How much suffering will come upon us? What awaits us?” yet we shun struggling; we are indifferent and drowsy, and we sleep the heavy slumber of ignorance! The world is far from the truth. People work, sleep, travel overseas—without realizing what is about to happen beyond the grave! A thick darkness covers the truth, just as a thick cloud obstructs the sun’s light. If a person contemplates and comes to grip with the fact that this life is like an ephemeral theater where people waste time by dancing and having fun, he would realize the tremendous insanity and foolishness of men and the great achievement of the demons. There are two different ways of thinking: worldly people think of things before the grave, and we think of things after the grave! Worldly people think about present things; that is all that they see, and that is what they believe in. but the revelation of the gospel of Christ cast abundant light into the souls that want to be saved. It opens to them a new horizon of awareness of the true God. “The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18 ) There will be unlimited, incomprehensible, inconceivable glory for those who will walk in the light of Christ! We have no excuse before God because of His great benefactions: He has called us with a holy calling and shown us the road of light and truth! Great is the mercy of God! Let us not disregard it. Let us work at it. Let us reflect day and night upon our soul and how we should struggle. Meditating on God and practicing the virtues bring us close to God quickly. We should never at any time stop remembering death. The Holy Fathers said that they were not overcome by negligence in their cells, because they had the remembrance of death night and day. Negligence found no room in them. The Fathers kept thinking, “If today or tomorrow is my last day, what should I do?” In this way, this remembrance kept their mind in the fear of God, and the fear of God gave light to their conscience regarding how to compel themselves. In the beginning, of course, these thoughts do not make an impression on the person. His soul is, so to speak, dead—sluggish. But gradually, it begins to stir within him; it starts coming to life, and then it works normally.
10. Τake care of your soul, my child. Read the Fathers; pray with the beloved little prayer, which will fortify the foundation of your soul. Meditate on death, which is something that will most definitely come to us. Ah, death! The cup of death is extremely bitter for the soul when it powerfully separates the soul from the body. How much regret we shall feel then for everything we have done out of carelessness and laziness! Our conscience will torment us as a foretaste of hell. So why should we let the pleasure of sin defeat us, for which we shall pay with much pain and no cure? Man, with a dual nature, the elect and unique creation of God, is born on this planet, the earth, and gradually he dies physically some day, completely incapable of keeping himself alive. Conceit blows him up like a balloon, only to die because of just one illness. He has no power over himself. Without realizing it, he is governed by another’s will and command, while he is led away involuntarily, completely helpless to resist. What are you, O man, that you boast and brag, imagining outrageous things about yourself? Behold, an invisible microbe attacks you, and at once you feel ill, fall sick, and go to your grave. O conceited mortal, you see that death is coming and that you will depart to an unknown land and yield to it with no ability to object. Are you able to refuse, to resist, to escape what is going to happen to you at that fearsome hour? Not at all! Total helplessness. Then why do you boast, O man of clay, you helpless, wretched, useless one? What do you own that God has not given you? Can’t He take it from you whenever He wants? Yes. Then bend your neck, humble yourself, and thus you will be saved.
11. Righteous Lot was afflicted night and day, living amidst profligate and licentious people. He was oppressed, seeing their shameful acts. Nevertheless, he didn’t judge any of them, which is why he was counted worthy of the divine appearance of the angels and was considered worthy to be spared when God burned down the cities of the wicked and destroyed the licentious. Aren’t things here worse than Sodom and Gomorrah? Shouldn’t we expect the fire and brimstone of God’s wrath? Therefore, let us pay heed to Lot’s example so that we may not also be destroyed—not temporally, as of old, but eternally and endlessly! Let us be vigilant, for we do not know in what hour the thief—death—is coming. Let us be watchful in order to guard our riches—not only the riches of our Orthodox faith, but also of the grace we were counted worthy of when we were baptized in the holy baptismal font. What will come more certainly than death? It is the most certain thing that every person will encounter. We ought to keep the remembrance of death alive within us constantly, so that through this most saving remembrance, we may avoid the soul’s death, which is nothing but complete separation from God in the afterlife. Violently compel yourselves, says the Lord in the gospel (cf. Mt. 11:12 ), for you do not know when the Bridegroom of your soul will visit you, and woe to him whom He finds indolent and neglectful of his salvation. Pray also for me, for I do not practice what I preach. Woe to me the thrice-wretched! With what face will God look at me?
12. Take a look at death, my child, which reaps everyone. All human things melt and burn out like a candle. Only godly works—that is, whatever works were done for the love of God—will never burn out, but will shine for a person so that he may ascend the path to reach the throne of God. Work the deeds of salvation, even if it takes great effort. Everything will be counted as a struggle, as ascesis, and as resistance to the devil, and your due reward will be definitely given to you. Compel yourself. Bear in mind your departure, your death, the toll-houses, and the fearsome judgment of God. Think about hell and the damned, my child. Count yourself as one of them also, and then all your sorrows will seem like nothing to you, and a sweet consolation will come upon your entire soul.
13. My child, you should reflect upon the uncertainty of the time of your death and the demons and the terrifying toll-houses that our lowly souls will pass through! What a fearsome tribunal awaits them! Our souls will tremble out of fear and terror! Meditate on the painful torture together with the demons; alas, it is eternal with no end or termination! Unfortunately, my child, the evil one takes all these salvific recollections from us so that we are not benefited, and he brings us all the evil recollections in order to defile our soul. Since we know his tricks, let us compel ourselves to say the most holy Jesus prayer and to contemplate spiritual meditations which are so beneficial, so that our soul may be continually benefited and purified.
14. The remembrance of hell should always be in your mind, for it has much fruit within it. Who can remember eternal fire and remain without tears? Weep, my child, so that your heart and body may be cleansed of every passion, and that you may see days of holiness and be astonished by your wealth of purity.
15. How frightening is the question of where each person’s soul will end up! Oh, how much do forgetfulness and indolence lead us astray—and me, first! If we think about it, it is terrifying to ponder whether we shall achieve our goal or not. Man’s entire being is overcome by trembling when he carefully considers what will happen in the end! What judgment will be for me, who has been conceived in iniquities? (cf. Ps. 50:5 ). Be merciful, be merciful upon me, my sweetest Jesus! Upon Thy compassions I cast my soul’s despair.
14. May your prayers support the crumbling house of my wretched soul. There is nothing good in me. That is why I weep, calling to mind the things that will happen when I depart from this world and make the journey above without having the necessary provisions. Woe is me, for though I am now able to store them up, my negligence will bring about my eternal regret! But isn’t this the truth! Oh, how precious this present time is—every moment is priceless. Yet this sound knowledge escapes us, and thus our precious time passes, and it is impossible to reclaim it.
15. Oh, at that time the internal judge—each person’s conscience—will rise with a bold and powerful voice either to condemn or acquit him. “If our conscience does not accuse us, we have boldness towards God”. As long as we are on the road of life, how necessary it is to reconcile ourselves with our adversary (cf. Mt. 5:25 )—our conscience—before it leads us to the judge, and then we shall not escape until we pay the last penny by giving an account for every idle word (cf. Mt. 12:36 ). Oh, what is going to happen in the end? How much toil and dread! Blessed are those who have the eyes of their soul open and prepare the provisions for the great journey, and woe to me whose eyes have been shut by the two great evils of mankind—forgetfulness and ignorance!
16. Oh, how watchfull we must be in all things (cf. 2 Tim.4:5 ), for the adversary walks about like a roaring lion, seeking to devour the universe! (cf. 1 Pet. 5:8 ). O God, my God! Arise! Why do you rest and sleep, my soul? Hour by hour we wait for the sound of the trumpet and to be brought to judgment! Woe is me! How horrifying that moment is, for our eternal life depends on it: either in God or in hell! Let us sigh a little, and behold, God becomes merciful. He knows that we have nothing left that is healthy in His eyes; we are full of weaknesses, passions, and excuses. How will we meet God? I wonder, what will He tell us? How much exactitude will He demand from us, who do not want to apply such exactitude to ourselves, because it conflicts with our desires?
19. Always remember death; meditating on it should become a rule of life for you. What a struggle the soul has when it separates from the body, when the books are opened and people’s hidden deeds revealed! How much it sighs then, how much it weeps, but it has no help except from good deeds it has done! Therefore, struggle in good and beneficial works now that you have the breath of life, for an hour is coming when our members will stop working the deeds of salvation! Weep bitterly if you want to find consolation in the distressing hour of death. Bear in mind the dreadful tribunal. Oh, what a fearsome hour awaits the poor soul, when it hears the decision for its eternal restoration! Even the saints feared this hour; how much more so should we! What can I, the wretched one, say? I moan bitterly when I remember it. You should also do so, and you will find great benefit.
20. The truth of God sounds forth like a mighty trumpet and says, “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity!” (Eccl. 1:2 ). “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mk. 8:36-37 ). “Remember your end and you shall not sin unto the ages” (Ecclesiasticus –Wisdom of Sirach—7:36 ). “Riches do not remain, glory does not accompany one to the other world, for when death comes, all these things are obliterated” (from the funeral service ). Behold the truth, which mightily crushes the lie! Within every trap and thought of the devil, a lie is camouflaged to deceive man. Therefore, let us pray that God will enlighten us with the light of truth, so that the darkness may be dispersed, and the bright day of triumph and the glorious truth may shine in all our thoughts, words, and deeds, so that as good stewards of grace we may be counted worthy of praise before the holy angels. When will this be? When we shall no longer be in danger of falling into pride; for the devil has the power to fight us until our final breath. After this is the age of trophies, crowns, and the acquisition of God—the end of fear and tears. “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Rev. 7:17 ). Oh, what glory! Then no one will be able to take away the joy from the hearts of the saved. O my Jesus, glory to Thy dominion, glory to Thine inexpressible dispensation, O Master! Amen, amen, amen, sweetest Master. I kiss Thine immaculate feet that toiled and ran to find me, the lost sheep. Heal me wounds, O Master.
21. I pray that the grace of the Comforter will bring peace to your soul. My child, I have already found complete peace, only by the grace of God. I feel myself as light as air. After sunset, I remain by myself in my little cell. I try to collect my nous and lead it within myself and into Christ. I usually weep for my many sins. I think about what awaits me, heavily laden as I am, at the impartial judgment when my mouth will be silenced, not having any excuse, for I know that I have done nothing truly good, nor will I ever in my whole life. My beloved child in Christ, what will become of me? Woe to me, a prey of the eternal fire! I tremble, contemplating eternal damnation and the deprivation of the divine light! How will I, the wretched one, live without Christ and light?
22. When we remember death, we find an excellent guide that helps us discover the truth of things. Death says, “Why are you treasuring things up, why are you proud, why do you boast, O youth, O health, O science? When I come, I will render you your worth! When you are laid in the dark grave, you will know what the profit of earthly good things is!” We are departing to the world that transcends the senses, my children. We do not stay in this world which is full of bitterness, distress, sin, and miseries. There in the unfading life, God will wipe away every tear from the eyes of the saved, and there will be no pain, grief, or sighing, but an eternal day, a life without end or death! This is the life, my children, that we should long for wholeheartedly and fervently, so that by God’s grace we may acquire it and be delivered from painful hell.
23. Everything in this vain world will pass. The world and life are a fair, and each person can buy eternal life with the “money” of his life. How wise is the person who spends his money—his life—buying whatever he will need for the hour of death and the tribunal of God! Let us buy precious things that are pleasing to the great King: confession, humility, purity of soul and body from carnal sins, godly love, and keeping ourselves far from criticizing others, idle talk, lying, etc. When we master all this, we shall be wealthy in God’s blessed land.
24. “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity” (Eccl. 1:2 ) in this world, my child. This is what the wise Solomon cried out after he had tasted beyond satiety all the pleasures of the senses. He did not deprive his heart of any of the pleasures, and the end of all this was decay and destruction. On the contrary, he who works for God not only is not deprived of the necessities of life here, but also feels the true joy and peace of God already in this life. Riches do not remain; glory does not accompany one to the other world; beauty changes; youth passes and old age comes; health fades; illness follows, and the grave disintegrates everything into nothing. When we visit our final dwelling, our grave, we shall see with our own eyes all the vanity of man, as did Abba Sisoes when he saw the tomb of Alexander the Great and cried out, “Alas, alas, O death! The entire world was not big enough for you, Alexander. How then have you fit into two meters of earth now?” There in the tomb the dreams of vain pleasures are sealed. Whatever preoccupied many people with love and sacrifices is trampled underfoot there. In the tomb, the souls that realized the world’s deceit triumphantly ridicule it. My child, be careful with this world which is like a theater. For poor and ignoble people on stage in the theater wear the clothes of kings, tycoons, etc., and appear to be different from what they really are and fool the audience. But when the show is over and they take off their masks, then their true faces are revealed.
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